Sorry for the lack of updates. Aku too busy la. I am heading for burnout. Work is exceedingly tiring and draining.. i dunno why.. somehow I really enjoy it but the minute I end work and step out of Biopolis, I will just feel like energy has just been zapped out of my system. I can fall asleep in the 5 minute shuttle bus ride. I can fall asleep at BUSSTOPS something that has never ever happened before. Thank god that hasnt made me miss any buses. Yet.

And like.. 4 days a week after work I will have tuition. Doesnt help that I keep falling asleep during tuition cos I'm just so friggin tired and drained out.

And after tuition I will have many many stuff to settle for my UBC exchange. Things have a way of screwing themselves up no matter how well I plan everything. I can map my modules nice nice swee swee, plan the timing for ending my attachment and the flight nice nice swee swee in time for the international student orientation and then there will be factors to screw up the flight timings. I can plan my hostel application and early arrival application nice nice swee swee then suddenly my parents learn that (despite my best efforts to keep it from them) the other girl going to UBC with me originally had her application rejected by UBC so now I am going all alone and they insist on going with me. And since all the decent budget hotels I could find are all not that near UBC I have to spend many sleepless nites looking for accommodation for them in UBC. But never mind. Those are not important. They are just there to test my patience and determination to go for the exchange so when I actually go I can appreciate it more since I put in so much work for it.


Now some updates about work.

Yea as I had told u guys earlier on.. my mentor and colleagues are a superb bunch of pple. Fun, and yet hardworking.. smart and not snobby.... nice... and friendly. Especially my mentor. He goes out of his way to ensure I learn a lot a lot during my attachment... he lets me see and try out many different techniques... gives me projects and guides me personally, sacrificing time for his own projects. Paves the way for me in the event that I might join them for my FYP. Super nice and patient and explains everything thoroughly... listens to my suggestions and agrees to some of them. Basically makes me feel important and not just like a lousy know-nothing attachment louse.

And I screwed something up at work. I can cry just thinking about it. I cant believe I actually made such a big mistake. In our research, we deal with clinical samples from cancer patients. Basically, the amount of sample given to us is very small... precisely cos it is from real cancer patients and that is why it is so precious. And in a moment of carelessness.. just one second of daydreaming.. i mixed 2 samples up. And it is irreversible. The 2 samples are lost. 2 samples from cancer sufferers who kindly donated their tissue samples in the hope to better the lives of other cancer patients in future. I wasted their effort just like that. I couldnt forgive myself.

It was the first time i saw my kind mentor angry. But that is not the point. Even if he wasnt angry I couldnt forgive myself precisely cos I knew the gravity of the matter. He kindly entrusted me with this task.. exciting work that most of the pple at the lab had never had a chance to do except for him.. cos he wanted to let me try some of the more exciting tasks.. and i let him down. I cant bring myself to face him. I tried to make it up by working doubly hard to ensure the rest of the samples for all the later batches turn out well.. but still that will never erase the terrible mistake i made. Nothing will. Like what my mentor says, "If you screw up the PCR or something else, it is ok lor.. just redo. Just spend one more week... but it is not irreversible. But this is clinical samples. You cant ask the patient to die again you know what I mean?"

Yea that is why I feel so bad. These cancer samples are obtained from patients 3 years ago. Exact details I cant disclose cos of the confidentiality clause, but that is a kind of cancer that has almost 100% fatality rate. So those patients are already dead. If I were the family of the patient, I will probably hate the researcher to the core. My beloved family member has died and he donated his tissue sample to you guys and this is the way you treat it. This is how you repay his kindness.

I still get nightmares about that very second when I mixed the 2 samples together. I cant get over the guilt. ARGH I must make sure this project is a great success if not I can never forgive myself. Never.

There I've explained why I am so busy. And told a little story that happened.

Anyway I am seriously considering closing this blog down... too busy to write. And anyway I will be starting a new one when I start my exchange in Vancouver. Some sort of a travel diary. But never mind.. till then... I still need a space to release my thoughts when I'm free. I have loads to say here! Just that I dont have the time to do it. Haiz. K gtg.. ciaoz!