Whoa this is funny.. haha

Military Humor

Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight. After they're airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a loud voice, "Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both surgeons."
After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight lipped smile, "Admiral, United States Coast Guard, retired. Married, two sons, both judges."
After some thought, the fellow in the center seat decides to introduce himself. With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims, "Master Chief, United States Navy, retired. Never married, two sons . . . both Admirals."

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During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside."Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys,"Yours is."

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Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his New position,the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."
Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"
"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."

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Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again! Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?
"Soldier: "No, SIR!"

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"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and pee on my grave."
"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"


Moses and Jesus playing golf
Moses and Jesus were in a threesome playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but rolled directly toward a water hazard. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and sound.
Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long one directly toward the same water hazard. It landed right in the center of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped the ball onto the green.
The third guy got up and randomly whacked the ball. It headed out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounced off a truck and hit a nearby tree. From there, it bounced onto the roof of a shack close by and rolled down into the gutter, down the drain spout, out onto the fairway and straight toward the a fore mentioned pond. On the way to the pond, the ball hit a stone and bounced out over the water onto a lily pad, where it rested quietly.
Suddenly a very large bullfrog jumped up on a lily pad and snatched the ball into his mouth. Just then, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog and flew away. As they passed over the green, the frog squealed with fright and dropped the ball, which bounced right into the cup for a hole in one.

Moses turned to Jesus and said, "I hate playing with your Dad."

PRINCE CHARLES
Prince Charles was driving around his mother's estate when he accidentally ran over her favorite dog, a Corgi, crushing it to a pulp. He got out of his Range Rover and sat down on the grass totally distraught. The whole world was against him and now his mother would go ballistic.
Suddenly he noticed a lamp half-buried in the ground. He dug it up, polished it and immediately a genie appeared.
"You have freed me from thousands of years of imprisonment,' said the genie. 'As a reward I shall grant you one wish.'
Well,' said the Prince, 'I have all the material things I need, but let me show you this dog.' They walk over to the splattered remains of the dog. 'Do you think you could bring this dog back to life for me?' the Prince asked.
The genie carefully looked at the remains and shook his head. "This body is too far gone for even me to bring it back to life. Is there something else you would like?'
The Prince thought for a minute, reached into his pocket and pulled out two photos. 'I was married to this beautiful woman called Diana,' said Prince Charles, showing the genie the first photo. 'But now I love this woman called Camilla,' and he showed the genie the second photo.
'You see Camilla isn't beautiful at all, so do you think you can make Camilla as beautiful as Diana?'

The genie studied the two photographs and after a few minutes said, "Let's have a look at that dog again.'

Famous Bush quotes...
"The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country." - George W. Bush

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." - George W. Bush

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'." - George W. Bush

"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future." - George W. Bush

"The future will be better tomorrow." - George W. Bush

"We're going to have the best educated American people in the world." - George W. Bush

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made." - George W. Bush

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe." - George W. Bush

"Public speaking is very easy." - George W. Bush

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls." - George W. Bush

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur." - George W. Bush

"For NASA, space is still a high priority." - George W. Bush

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." - George W. Bush

"It's time for the human race to enter the solar system." - George W. Bush

The American and the Frenchman
An American is having breakfast one morning (coffee, croissants, bread,butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
Frenchman: "You American folk eat the whole bread??"
American (in a bad mood): "Of course."
Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In France, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to the states." The Frenchman has a smirk on his face.
The American listens in silence.
The Frenchman persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"
American: "Of Course."
Frenchman: (cracking his bubble-gum between his teeth and chuckling)."We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to the states."
After a moment of silence, The American then asks: "Do you have sex in France?"
Frenchman: "Why of course we do", he says with a big smirk.
American: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"
Frenchman: "We throw them away, of course."
American: "We don't. In America, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into bubble-gum and sell them to France."